Letting Go

A succession of things happened lately which allowed me to draw a few conclusions about myself:

1) I am too hard on myself.

2) I am on a never-ending quest for perfection.

3) I always seek change.

4) Therefore, I am discontented and consequently will never fit the bill of being a happy person.

I can't be the same person or do the same thing. Already I am thinking of how I can restyle my home, my hair, my career. I dream of having new skills, new knowledge and new hobbies.

I like to shock myself.

I really do abhor being the same. I cannot be comfortable.

Yet at the same time, I hate myself for being cowardly. I am adversed towards risk, tends to think too much and over-analyse matters. If I could be more carefree, I believe that I will enjoy the changes much better.

Call it masochism at work perhaps. But I can suffer for what I want.

I have been blessed to have met happy people at work and elsewhere. Happy people are people who takes things easy; this doesn't mean that they do not do things excellently- they often do- (and in fact, I have very little respect for people who are only interested in mediocrity), it's just that they often adopt a holistic worldview towards life, strive towards balance, seeks harmony and find peace with themselves and their surroundings. They respect and fulfill their responsibilities but they are also forgiving towards themselves.

I, on the other hand, live like I am in a war. I call it the 'crash-and-burn' personality.

Happy people make me rethink about my life. I feel very fortunate to meet them because they make happiness seems so easy, meaningful and attainable! I also try to forgive myself more.

Thank you Happy People! :) As paradoxical as this might sound, I'll try harder to let go! Heh.