Once upon a time, when I was a joyfulhappybabe.

I was, in the past, a joyfulhappybabe.

I almost forgot this pseudonym till I revisited my past a few hours back- through an old email that I have abandoned.

I did not tell my contacts from the obselete email that I have changed my mailing address and to my surprise, till this day, there are mails for me. I checked more than a thousand mails at one shot and read undeleted mails dated as far back as 2002.

And. So much has changed yet so much hasn't.

I no longer agree with some of the things I wrote and even found it surprising that I wrote them. There were of course facets of me that remained, and the experience of encountering past convictions that survived is, in some subtle sense, comforting. Many people who mailed me through the old contact have unfortunately drifted out of my life. However, a small number of them steadfastly remained closely in-touch till today.

I did note something about me from the past: as a young girl, I was fairly dynamic, successful (only 'cause I felt I was really very in-touch with my dreams and busy accomplishing them) and clear about my direction and vision. Today, I cannot say the same about myself. I am honestly a bit lost with regards to decisions. I NEVER had to eliminate options because I always knew what I would choose.

But not today.

Today, the joyfulhappybabe has passed me by.

Live Big! Feel Deep! (An Exhortation for 2009)

2009 symbolises new dreams, new vision and new movements for me. May the Lord bless me with breakthroughs and fresh insights as to how I should govern my life. Career will be one of my priorities next year.

To do list:

1. To perservere and complete the make-up diploma and hopefully put the skills to good use.
2. To not lose 'me' in work.
3. To work in passion and wisdom.
4. To seek new grounds.
5. To diversify my leisure activities.
6. To pray about being a mom.
7. To seek growth in spiritual life.
8. To cook and eat healthily.
9. To exercise.
10. To rework the balcony area.

And most importantly, to not feel stressed about having to accomplish everything simultaneously and quickly. To not judge myself if I fail but to learn from my mistakes. To not live life in a frenetic manner without reflections. But I will endeavour to enjoy life and its processes, and love my friends, family and people. To know that at the end of the day, no matter how well or badly I have done anything, it usually doesn't matter in the eternal scheme of things and God loves me no matter what. To not take grace for granted but to live in a manner that is hopefully pleasing to God. To become a stronger and more confident woman!

Yep, all these sound very BIG and IMPOSSIBLE currently. (I am afraid when I read the list! Ha!) But let's see how life unfolds this year; I will keep you guys posted of the victories and trials along the way! Pls pray for me!

"But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love" Psalm 33:18

I Am a Woman. Hear Me Roar.

A few days ago, my hubby and I lay on the bed reflecting on the past year.

"So, what's one thing that you felt you have accomplished in 2008?" The husband asked.

I considered the question thoughtfully, then answered,"I'm glad that I have become more confrontational and agressive. I used to have problems saying 'no' and expressing my anger, but now I feel more ready and able to do that and as a result, I feel happier." Without missing a beat, I went on to relate proudly how I managed to beat a chee ko peh (ie: a lecherous old uncle) in a staring incident at Jurong Point. He was staring at me non-stop (though my hubby is not very convinced by this accusation) even when I tried to move away from his sight. Well, fine- maybe you could blame him for having a stiff neck that day. But hell, I know what the chee-ko-peh eyes are like. He was (for whatever reasons my hubby can't seem to conjure) almost definitely staring at me in the most irritating and offensive hum-sup-loh-in-geylang (the nuances and complexities here are too difficult to translate) manner.

So what did I do in the true characteristics of a Singaporean ah-lian-ique chilli-padi girl?

I stared back lor.

Finally- after what seemed to be an eternity in a staring incident, the lecherous chee-ko-peh-hum-sup-loh-stinking-with-geylang-aura conceded defeat and looked away begrudgingly.

Man, you have no idea how triumphant I felt.

The husband however,was not very impressed with this vivid recount. "Haha. You call this an achievement?" He asked bemusedly.

Whatever. Talk to the hand. The Wonderwoman is not about to let her confidence be shakened by unfeeling male perspectives. Who says agression is for men only? Who says agression is always bad?

For me, I choose to be a coward no more. :)