The Day When the 'Emo' Part of Me Died And Other Random Thoughts

I knew it happened when I could not even write a 'thank you' card to a colleague whom I love and am indebted to greatly.

The 'emo' part of me died.

Don't get me wrong. I feel a lot for the colleague whom I am writing to. But I just could not say everything that I want to say on paper. It just felt that the words I started to write on the card were hardly justifying or capturing how I feel.

Let me say this in the worst form of English possible: in my current state of life, I am officially 'zenified'.

In this current zen state, may I also announce in the most perfunctory manner that I am ready to be a mother and I hope to conceive mid or late next year. Don't ask me how is it possible for me to time everything nicely; to tell you the truth, it is not possible. It is a logical decision I have made after considering the biological aspect of life. I have also sold the idea to my hubby that it is in my best health interest to conceive before I am thirty (oh my gosh, and did I say 3-0?) and he bought it. I will be going for full body check-up tomorrow to ascertain my health before embarking on my family planning. (Yes, I am a control freak.)

Maybe action speaks louder than words for me these days. I am not sure if it is good (on hindsight, I am very sure that it isn't good) to run my life like I am going through a checklist. What if I reach the end of the list earlier than expected?

Eastman Kodak, the builder of a billion-dollar company, faced this problem. Upon reaching the pinnacle of his career success, he left a suicide note on his desk before putting a bullet through his head which read, "My work is done, why wait?"

I am hardly Eastman Kodak, so I guess this grim end to life will probably not apply to me. But I guess we all are searching for something that makes our lives worthwhile at the end of the day and like Stephen Covey warned, people could work very hard to climb the ladder of success only to discover it's leaning against the wrong wall. Scary, eh?

So, Lord, here's a personal prayer from me to please humble my human pride and help me to see my purpose in life.


"Then I realised that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labour under the sun during the few days of life God has given him- for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work- this is a gift of God. He seldom reflect on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart. I have seen another evil under the sun, and it weighs heavily on men: God gives a man wealth, possessions and honour, so that he lacks nothing his heart desires, but God does not enable him to enjoy them, and a stranger enjoys them instead. This is meaningless, a grievous evil."- Ecclesiastes 5:18-6:2

How Much Is Marriage Worth?

This isn't my story. This is a real story of a Singaporean man, probably in his forties.

The TV documentary recounted the story of a man and woman who were together for fifteen years but unmarried. They both felt that it was good enough for them stay together and be happy; marriage was afterall just about owning a certificate and in their opinion, meaningless.

Three years ago, the lady was diagnosed with breast cancer; she did not get better. The man then quit his job as a taxi driver to care for her full-time. By then, the woman had grown gaunt, frail and ugly.

He stood by her nonetheless, and -a surprise- proposed.

After 15 years of fighting against the idea, he strangely became resolutely sure that this was what he wanted.

Why has it suddenly become so easy to make a difficult decision?

Their wedding was held at the hospice. I watched as their quiet wedding unfolded. Her make-up was done on the hospital bed as she was too weak to walk. A wig was worn as she had lost her hair to cancer. At the procession, she went down the aisle on a wheelchair with tubes in her nose. Loving friends and family members applauded lovingly to congratulate and encourage her. But she was too frail to talk and could only wave back with whatever remaining strength she had to thank them for their blessings. After the vows were exchanged, the husband and wife wept. The guests wept. And I cried too. The newfound marriage bliss ended 2 weeks later when she died.

Why does it take difficult times to make an easy decision?

About the Wild Flower in the Universe

INFPs direct their energy towards the inner world of thoughts and emotions. They give importance to particular ideas or beliefs, focusing on those things that they belief in most strongly. They prefer dealing with patterns and possibilities, especially for people. They prefer to undertake work that has a meaningful purpose.

What makes an INFP tick?

The Dominant function is the judging one of Feeling. Characteristics associated with this function include:

• Makes decisions on the basis of personal values
• Is appreciative and accepting of people - enjoying company and seeking harmony
• Assesses the impact of decisions on others, being sympathetic or compassionate
• Takes a personal approach
  

The judging Feeling function is introverted. That is, Feeling is used primarily to govern the inner world of thoughts and emotions. The INFP will therefore:

• develop an inner emotional life that is often unseen to others, but is experienced as intense
• retain a strong sense of values, which are often not expressed
• emotionally accept or reject various aspects of life - for example, deciding whether praise or criticism received is valid and, at extreme, ignoring whatever is unacceptable
• feel appreciation towards others, but not express it
  

The Feeling function is primarily supported by extraverted iNtuitive perception, That is, iNtuitive perception is used primarily to manage the outer world of actions and spoken words. This will modify the way that the Feeling is directed, by:

• focusing the (inner world) Feeling on ideas and possibilities for people
• looking for meaningful relationships
• deciding on friendships through insight into their personality and motivation
  

The classic temperament of an INFP is Apollonian, or Choleric, for whom a basic driving force is the search for meaning or purpose.

Contributions to the team of an INFP

In a team environment, the INFP can contribute by:

• promoting insight and common understanding amongst the team
• contributing well thought out and innovative ideas
• generating team spirit though sensitive listening and a quiet enthusiasm
• focusing on areas of agreement and building on others' proposals
• where there are areas of disagreement, exploring a wide range of options to see if a point of agreement can be found
  

The potential ways in which an INFP can irritate others include:

• being idealistic
• appearing out of touch, perhaps not fully recognising current realities, and disregarding those they find unacceptable
• being stubborn over issues the group did not anticipate being a problem
• spending too much time thinking
• avoiding conflict and not giving forthright criticism when it is needed
• focusing so much on interpersonal issues that cost and other impersonal considerations are not adequately discussed
  

Personal Growth

As with all types, the INFP can achieve personal growth by developing all functions that are not fully developed, through actions such as:

• being prepared to declare the INFP's personal values
• investigating and recognising the facts before interpreting what they mean
• listing options and undertaking a formal process of evaluation against criteria, including a cost benefit analysis
• undertaking a critical appraisal of a situation or person, and expressing disagreement or criticism when it could be of value to the recipient
• focusing on impersonal details during discussions and when making decisions
• listing options and undertaking a formal process of evaluation against criteria, including a cost benefit analysis
• establishing a long term goal, preparing a detailed implementation plan, and sticking to it
  

Recognising Stress

As stress increases, 'learned behaviour' tends to give way to the natural style, so the INFP will behave more according to type when under greater stress. For example, in a crisis, the INFP might:

• concentrate only on what the INFP sees as important
• work alone if possible
• contribute creative ideas, but overlook current realities
• fail to consider the cost implications

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFP's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESTJ. Example characteristics are:

• being very critical and find fault with almost everything
• doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
• becoming bossy or domineering and ignoring others' feelings
• being pedantic about unimportant details

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The INFP may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.