This isn't my story. This is a real story of a Singaporean man, probably in his forties.
The TV documentary recounted the story of a man and woman who were together for fifteen years but unmarried. They both felt that it was good enough for them stay together and be happy; marriage was afterall just about owning a certificate and in their opinion, meaningless.
Three years ago, the lady was diagnosed with breast cancer; she did not get better. The man then quit his job as a taxi driver to care for her full-time. By then, the woman had grown gaunt, frail and ugly.
He stood by her nonetheless, and -a surprise- proposed.
After 15 years of fighting against the idea, he strangely became resolutely sure that this was what he wanted.
Why has it suddenly become so easy to make a difficult decision?
Their wedding was held at the hospice. I watched as their quiet wedding unfolded. Her make-up was done on the hospital bed as she was too weak to walk. A wig was worn as she had lost her hair to cancer. At the procession, she went down the aisle on a wheelchair with tubes in her nose. Loving friends and family members applauded lovingly to congratulate and encourage her. But she was too frail to talk and could only wave back with whatever remaining strength she had to thank them for their blessings. After the vows were exchanged, the husband and wife wept. The guests wept. And I cried too. The newfound marriage bliss ended 2 weeks later when she died.
Why does it take difficult times to make an easy decision?
When I am in my "rock-star" mode, I think the concept of marriage is crap. The idea of formalizing a union sanctioned by a secular authority is just a mockery to the ideal of Love.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if we are not to take this story into account, Romantic Love in general is complicated, mutable and sadly, ephemeral. That is why we need to solidify a promise, especially when the stake involved is somebody else's heart.
Men are complex creatures. Most of the time we just cruise along, never evaluating, cherishing and thinking about how important the person standing next to you is until you have lost them. When I look at my boyfriend, sometimes I think he is the best thing that has happened to me. But sometimes the insecurity creeps in. You turn and look at him again and wonder if he is really who you think he is. And then comes fear and withdrawal.
So it does takes courage, or in this case a real wake-up call, no matter how much you love a person, to committ yourself fully and not to be afraid getting hurt.
To most, Marriage is a promise to the other party that you will love them and are prepared to spend the rest of your life with him/her.
But to me, Marriage, is a promise to myself that I will love this man and I will protect his heart that he has so carefully given to me.
So when the Love changes, or when times are bad, the Marriage will serve, to me, as a reminder of the day when I married him - because that is going to be the day I know I will never be alone again for the rest of my life.
So as beautiful as the idea of Love is, those who are truly in it and have been hurt by it, know that it takes tantamount faith to take the great leap, surrender your heart and committ fully to the realm of Love.